


Is Count Vertigo a Unicorn?

by EvenMadderHatter



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Puns, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Cute, Don't Ask, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, How Do I Tag, Hurt Roy Harper, Hurt Wally West, M/M, Nicknames, Protective Dick Grayson, Protective Jason Todd, Roy and Wally make bad puns, There are ninjas, sword puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 16:45:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14501277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvenMadderHatter/pseuds/EvenMadderHatter
Summary: Prompt from a friend: Roy and Wally get hurt on a mission but keep cracking puns because of blood loss or something and their boyfriends are just done.Here you are! Bad puns, Jayroy, Birdflash, what more could you want? Unicorns? Well, here you go!





	Is Count Vertigo a Unicorn?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~
> 
> This was a request from a friend of mine who is getting obsessed with DC  
> I am very proud of her 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this little one-shot! 
> 
> ~E.M.H. 
> 
> P.S. The puns are near-ish to the end, make it through the boring intro and you'll get there- I promise!

The mission was supposed to be an easy job, that was why Batman only sent Dick, Jason, Wally, and Roy and decided to leave the rest of the team benched. 

Batman had called the four of them to the control center, briefing them on their mission. 

"I need you to be efficient. Wally, you scout out the area first, get in, get out. Don't let anyone see you. Remember, Count Vertigo will be there, and according to our sources, he could be working with Joker."

Wally nodded and crossed his arms, determined to make Batman proud. Ever since he and Dick had started dating, Wally had valued Batman's opinion very highly, and Dick knew he would be crushed if Bruce was disappointed in him.

Bruce had no clue about Jason and Roy though. They had been secretly dating for a couple weeks and had fallen into a good rhythm. 

"Dick, you and Jason will go in from the roof, your job is to sneak past their defenses- don't kill and be as silent as possible. 

Dick and Jason exchanged a glance, a dangerous smirk growing on the younger boy's face. Dick shook his head, warning him to be quiet. 

"Roy, you and Wally will meet up at the back alley after he has finished recon. I expect radio silence from you to the cave. We received a tip that the Count has figured out a way to listen in to long-distance communications. To be safe, only contact us and each other in the most serious of times, and if you must then be quick.

"You will enter from the back- Wally will have to lead both groups to the meeting point. From there, you will observe and report. Do not engage. Do you understand?"

The four of them all nodded and Bruce turned, walking to a control panel. "You'll take the motorcycles there, but leave them once you're close enough. You don't want to be heard." 

They turned to leave, only looking back at the gruff "Good luck." 

The mission had begun. 

… 

Wally zipped into the building, his suit black as night. Blending in with the shadows, he crept along one wall, peering around it. Thank god Dick had trained him to be silent and careful or else he would have been discovered long ago. 

Several armed guards marched down the hall, splitting into two groups as they went opposite directions. 

Seeing his chance, Wally ran behind them, figuring that they would be patrolling the most heavily guarded hallways, meaning that Count V was nearby. 

He was right. 

Coming to a careful halt, he looked into an open doorway, surprised to see the Count surrounded by people in dark clothing. 

"Ninjas," Wally whispered, breathless. 

Running out, he headed back towards where Roy was waiting for him, probably pacing impatiently or sharpening his arrows. 

Slipping out into the alley, he saw Roy sitting atop one of the motorcycles, checking his watch. 

"Finally, you slowpoke. Took you long enough- I was starting to think that you had tripped or something." 

"Shut it Roy-Boy." 

"Fine, but you better keep up."

And with that, he leapt off the bike and ran into the building. 

Wally sighed and rubbed his face, rolling his eyes. "He knows I'm a speedster right?" 

… 

After quickly calling Dick and Jason and directing them to the room, Wally and Roy slipped inside it, hiding behind a couple of crates. 

Wally had explained the "Epic ninja warriors" to Roy, who didn't believe him until he saw the strange figures. 

"Told ya. Ninjas." Wally whispered, eyes wide. 

Roy sighed and crept further past the boxes, trying to get a good look at the Count. 

Then he heard a familiar voice let out a yelp behind him. 

Roy whirled around, arrow nocked, to find Count Vertigo holding a sword to Wally's neck. 

"You thought you could hide from me?" The thick, accented voice mocked them. 

That was when things went South. 

Roy was pounced on by a group of ninjas and Wally was carried away by the Count and slammed into a wall. 

Pressing a hand to his ear where the comm set lay, Roy flicked on the panic switch (Dick's idea) and slammed a fist into a ninja's stomach. 

He tried to fight them off, but there were too many to stop, and soon enough he was pressed up against the wall next to Wally. 

Count Vertigo pressed his sword into Wally's stomach, applying slightly more pressure.

Wally paled and started speaking, "Hey man, it would be cool if you didn't stab me you know? That would be great." 

The Count apparently didn't care as he whipped out a short dagger from god knows where and slammed it into the speedster's shoulder within seconds. 

Roy had been expecting Wally to scream, but instead he just looked down at the dagger, deathly pale, and said, completely deadpan, "Oh no, I'm allergic." 

Roy couldn't help himself as he burst into laughter, shaking with an incredulous look. 

Wally didn't stop there, he kept speaking like it was the only thing he could think of doing. "Sure I appreciate the sentiment and all but does this gift come with a receipt?"

Count Vertigo growled at the two of them and decided to stab Roy's side, but he misjudged his swing and it just tore a gash down his side instead of impaling him. 

Roy bit his lip in pain and looked at the Count and then at Wally, and frowned. "You know this really isn't how I pictured my day going, but then again, who am I to complain?" 

Wally gasped and quivered in hysterics, feeling light-headed. 

Suddenly, two blurs of speed crashed into Count Vertigo, knocking him back from the two boys. 

Dick and Jason stood in front of them like shields. 

Jason's eyes narrowed in a look that would send the Joker running. "Get away from him." He addressed the Count, eyeing Roy with concern. 

Dick shared the same look as he stared back at Wally, who was still laughing, slumped against the wall. 

 

Roy just realized that the ninjas were all lying on the ground, taken out by Dick and Jason and fell forward from his position against the wall. 

Jason swiftly caught him and lowered him to the ground quickly before jumping into battle, taking down the Count with Dick. 

Roy looked over at Wally, who was clenching his hand above his shoulder, which still looked pretty impaled. 

Almost too quickly, the fight was over and Jason was back in Roy's vision. 

"Hey Babe, you okay?" 

Roy blinked a few times before he smiled at Jason, saying simply "Bout time you got here." 

Wally stood up shakily as Dick rushed to his side, trying to keep him still. "Wally what are you-" 

He was interrupted as Wally removed the dagger from his shoulder and dropped it next to the unconscious body of the Count. 

"Hey, you dropped this."

Roy burst into laughter, tears rolling down his eyes. His head felt like it was full of cotton balls and his side felt numb. 

Wally sat down heavily next to him, feeling weird and bubbly. 

Roy grinned at him smirking, "Knife to meet you, I'm stabbed." 

Wally giggled as he replied, "Oh, well knife to meet you too, I hope you have a knife day." 

Oblivious to Jason and Dick's worried whispers about their boyfriends being insane, Roy said, "I wish I was a unicorn- you know why?"

"Why?" 

"So I could stab idiots with my head." 

Wally gasped, his eyes growing wider. "Is Count Vertigo a unicorn?" 

Roy returned the gasp, and they both fell over laughing, stab wounds completely forgotten. 

"Alright you two, come on let's get you back to the mountain before you bleed out on the floor."

Roy pouted and Wally slumped against Dick, who just calmly picked him up in a bridal carry. 

"Let's go before you run out of puns."

"The pun is mightier than the sword, babe. It is true." Wally babbled at Dick before pressing his face to Dick's neck. "Besides, I'm arm-ed with puns. It's a talent." Wally giggled, gesturing with his good hand towards his bleeding shoulder.

Dick groaned and carried Wally away, the speedster still going on. 

Jason sighed, offering Roy his shoulder to lean on, which the archer accepted. 

"But Jay-Bae, you never answered Wally's question!"

Jason rolled his eyes at the nickname and side-eyed Roy. "And that was?"

Roy rolled his eyes back at his boyfriend but got dizzy and clutched onto his arms for support. 

As the two of them made their way outside Roy mumbled his question in Jason's ear, eyebrows raised earnestly. 

"Is Count Vertigo a unicorn?"

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyyyy 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Have any requests? Leave 'em down below and let me know if you liked it. 
> 
> Until next time!
> 
> ~E.M.H.


End file.
